mintgrove

NO
ELEGANT APPROACHES TO THE ART OF REFUSAL
BY MR. JONATHAN SKAN

Declining invitations is frequently a daunting endeavour. Another dinner, another launch, the opening of another bottle of cheap wine. Declining with finesse is rarely easy and the risk of causing offence is high. Working in THE PRINCE OF WALES' private office, however, furnished me with an invaluable set of skills in this area.

My first piece of advice is to just get on with it. If you know you probably can't make something, then act fast and deliver the bad news. Never allow yourself to take the easy but hurtful option of ignoring the invitation altogether. Secondly, afford your inviter the respect of replying to them in a stylish way. A handwritten 'no' in fountain pen on expensive notepaper, preferably with an embossed address at the top, makes a difference. Saying 'no' to something significant by e-mail does not, and should never, cut it. Thirdly, get to the point. Don't waffle or beat about the bush: tell it like it is, but keep the tone upbeat. Never tell flagrant lies; you'll always get found out. White lies need to be kept subtle and to a minimum, even when declining something that sounds ghastly. In these cases, remember to talk up whatever you're saying 'no' to and wish your inviter every success with it, but never be superficial, so as to not undermine your position when the time comes to decline something that you really ought to attend but can't. Finally, treat people as you would like to be treated, and make it personal. If you're really dreading saying 'no' then that's the moment to pick up the phone, take a deep breath and explain yourself. Such calls work wonders. They disarm, they diffuse and people remember them with gratitude. There are several tactical lines you may wish to employ to spare your inviter's feelings without outright lying to them. 'I read your invitation with great interest,' is the kind of thing that might work, as is 'I am deeply flattered that you thought of me.'

Article from Fantastic Man Issue no.16